It's Yr Life Page 5

  anyway they weren’t perfect interrogation conditions. might try @ breakfast. only she doesn’t really eat breakfast. she just smokes 3 cigarettes and sculls a diet coke. raj hates having coke in the house but she reckons someone gives it 2 her @ school so she’s not officially buying it + can still call herself a freegan. i think she’s missin the point. (did i tell u she vomits every morning? i can hear it from my room. don’t know if she’s drinking heaps like my old foster-dad or maybe she’s got the virus that’s going round. either way it’s pretty wrong listening 2 it.)

  i stuck coffee in the drawer and it smelt good. made me want a cup. then i googled stuff about severed fingers (can this be tracked back 2 me?) and they said what u said in yr last e. u need 2 keep em cold if a dr is gonna have a chance of stitching em back on. is that totally stupid of me not 2 know that?

  anyway i wrapped em in plastic. the stench was so rank. now i’ve got em up back of our tiny frosted-up freezer. it’s just a little box on top of this old-skool fridge from about 1920. they’re hidden behind some frozen bananas wrapped in newspaper that have been there forever so i think they’re ok 4 now.

  do u think i did this dude over? honestly? i didn’t. but u know how people’s kids go missing and they always find out it was the parents who kidnapped them, the people who started the search in the first place. i know i started the search but i didn’t do it, i swear.

  anyway. what am i doin writing all this stuff 2 u? i don’t even know u. myspace freaks might call u a friend after thirty seconds but not me.

  here’s what i need 2 do … i need 2 get those fingers back 2 someone + i need 2 find out why deepspace was acting so weird. i wish i cld show u the footage i shot. i don’t know if this doco’s gonna be a great ad for freeganism.

  deepspace didn’t stay here last night. or the night b4. but she does go + stay with friends sometimes. they go to doofs (raves) out in the hills so it’s not that weird she’s not here.

  i’ll try the cop-show interrogation thing on lozza again soon. but i don’t think she knows anything. she wanted 2 go 2 the cops. it was deepspace acting weird.

  i just heard raj’s bike round the side so i’m gonna go tell him what happened. he’ll know what 2 do. he knows evrything.

  out.

  s.

  * * *

  From: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]

  To: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]

  Subject: interrogation tools

  * * *

  Dear Sim

  Below is what you use on Lozza, as you’ve started calling her. Lozza? And she looks like a combo of Pink and Gwen Stefani? I’m not sure she’s that hot. Can you send me a photo of her? I really want to see what she looks like. And if she’s vomiting every morning that means she’s pregnant. Maybe she’s trying to sleep with you to trick you into thinking it’s your kid and then you have to pay child support for the rest of your life. Serious. Don’t go near the skank; it’s a trap. (Do freegans have to pay child support if they don’t believe in buying stuff? Hmm.)

  Oh, and thanks for saying I’m not really your friend. Classy.

  I’m pretty sure that Raj and Deepspace have told her what’s going on. Pressure her and the truth will be revealed. I just know it. (And it’s good Deepspace is gone. She may be the murderer; stay far, far away from her – seriously.)

  Try this on Lauren. It’s a scene from one of Dad’s shows:

  INT. INTERROGATION ROOM. DAY.

  STACEY HUDDLES OVER A NOTEPAD. HUEY AND SACKS TOWER OVER HER.

  HUEY

  You’re pretty smart. Gotta say, didn’t peg you for a smart chick.

  SACKS

  Yeah, I was sure she was just another dumb hooker.

  HUEY

  But you’re not one of those dumb girls, are you, Stacey?

  STACEY DOODLES ON A PAD, TRYING TO IGNORE THEM.

  SACKS

  Yeah, not many dumb hookers know how to infiltrate the security system of the Deutsche Bank’s mainframe. Hell, I’m not even smart enough to do that.

  HUEY

  It’s not that hard. You just access the terminal system preferences, hack the password and bingo, you’re in.

  SACKS

  You’re out of your mind. You have to break into the backup network and crack at east 300 codes before –

  HUEY

  No you don’t. Any fool knows that Deutsche is foolproof. There’s no easy way into it. Howard Battersey designed the security firewall to be impenetrable. That kid’s gotta be the smartest guy in New York.

  SACKS

  Smartest kid in the world. I’ve never met anyone who could outsmart him.

  STACEY INTERJECTS.

  STACEY

  Howard has the IQ of a gerbil. I accessed the payroll software. Every high-security code can be found there. Who doesn’t protect the basic programs of a major world bank?

  HUEY AND SACKS FAIL TO HIDE THEIR SATISFACTION.

  SACKS

  You might want a lawyer, Ms Trenton.

  END SCENE

  Use the same kind of tactic on Lozza-the-loser and she’s bound to fess up some facts.

  Gotta go.

  M

  * * *

  From: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]

  To: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]

  Subject: helpline

  * * *

  hey mg

  thanks for the huey and sacks tips. u really think i should call her a dumb hooker? i don’t know if she’ll like it so much.

  is this what u do in l.a.? u got a problem so u try 2 think of a movie or tv show where someone’s got the same prob + u track down the script + then try that out? like if u got a pig that won’t stop crappin do u just hire the simpsons movie and bust some spiderpig moves?

  listen to this: i spoke 2 raj. deepspace hadn’t even said anything 2 him about the fingers.

  he wasn’t that talkative cos he was looking 4 his beads again – these prayer beads he got in india that he’s lost. but he says he’s gonna talk 2 her as soon as she gets back. he thought it sounded pretty serious. he didn’t think we shld go 2 the cops till we talk 2 her tho. i didn’t exactly mention 2 him that i went back + got the fingers. or that they’re in his freezer.

  man, i hope this is just me bein a weird dude again + no-one here knows anything and i can just get these fingers back 2 someone + it’s all over … but not yet.

  i gotta wait + find out a little more. i’m thinking of checkin deepspace’s email. i know her password. well i think i do. unless she’s changed it. i just want 2 c if there’s anything about this stuff y’know. maybe i’ll google her 2 + c what there is on her. and i’ll look back @ other footage i shot last week of her on another couple of dives. i interviewed her a few weeks back 2. maybe she gives some clue. i got to go see my DOCS worker this arvo. (person from government dept i have 2 meet with every couple of weeks 2 say that everything’s ok. all foster kids have 2 do it.) hope they don’t c thru me when i tell them everything’s just swell.

  anyway i finally called the helpline here – a domestic violence line. got the number off the web. i’m really sorry i didn’t do this sooner.

  they reckon u gotta tell somebody. i know that sounds typical but it seems like the only way. can u talk 2 yr ma + ask her to get a counsellor involved? someone who cld get yr ma + dad 2gether + talk things over?

  or if u think yr mum’ll freak is there a teacher or school counsellor you could talk 2? the chick on the phone said if u tell family (aunty, uncle or someone) they’ll sometimes not believe u but a counsellor shld always take what yr sayin seriously.

  cops might b a bit much right now but there’s gotta be someone u can talk 2. someone who can plan the next move + maybe they can speak 2 yr old man and ask him w’sup. is there anyone around who suspects what’s going on and might help u out?

  must be scary. i guess u worry if u tell someone + that person talks 2 yr dad then he’ll go wild cos he’s been found out and mayb
e even yr mum’ll get angry too.

  it’s pretty screwed up but if you do nothin it might never stop and maybe yr ma will get really hurt.

  what do u reckon?

  s.

  ps google kids helplines. theres heaps of diff ones all over the globe.

  pps i don’t reckon lozza’s up the duff. she’s skinny as a snake.

  * * *

  From: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.edu]

  To: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]

  Subject: I’m fine

  * * *

  Sim. I’ve only got a minute right now. Thanks for the emails about the helpline stuff. But I think it’s probably best if I just DON’T say anything or do anything. So just FORGET everything I told you. It’ll be fine.

  Milla

  * * *

  From: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]

  To: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]

  Subject: suss e

  * * *

  hey m

  don’t say that. this counsellor chick said u gotta do somethin. if it’s been goin on 4 a while then u gotta stand up 4 yr mum yeah? can’t u say anything 2 her? cld u try 2 like make her laugh – tell her about the bear’s anal plug – or buy her a present or something then kinda mention it? i don’t know but i reckon u shld say somethin.

  checked deepspace’s email. the old pc’s right next 2 her little shrine with the ganeshas and candles and incense and stuff, wax dripping off the edge of the table. i felt so guilty, like god was watching me or something. but i did it anyway. there were about a thousand offers 2 increase the size of her penis but i suspect they were spam. then just stuff from friends, but there was 1 weird thing in there. a sent item from the morning after we found the fingers. she was asking sangeeta – this psychologist friend of hers – if she can get in 4 a session. coincidence? don’t think so.

  she’s back 2nite. i’m gonna try 2 follow the advice i’m giving u and just face her on it.

  wish me luck.

  s.

  ps i need yr thoughts. can u have a look @ the vid from the night @ the dumpsta? i’ve attached a lowres quicktime file. wanna know what u think.

  pps talk to yr ma.

  * * *

  From: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]

  To: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]

  Subject: don’t want to say anything

  * * *

  HEY SIM.

  WATCHED VID. DEEPSPACE LOOKED TOTALLY FREAKED OUT. I THINK LAUREN KNOWS THAT DEEPSPACE DID IT. DEEPSPACE MUST HAVE HAD ONE TOO MANY COLONIC IRRIGATIONS. THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS WITH THOSE ZEN HIPPIE PEOPLE. THE REALLY CALM, CHILLED FRIENDS OF MOM AND DAD’S ARE ALWAYS THE ONES THAT GO PSYCHO WHEN THEY GET DRUNK AT PARTIES.

  AND ABOUT DAD, LOOK, I JUST DON’T WANT TO. I JUST DON’T WANT TO SAY ANYTHNG. IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I’M GOING TO EXPLODE. JUST THE THOUGHT OF SAYING THE WORDS SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE. HOW DO I GET THEM OUT OF MY MOUTH AND THEN WHEN I SAY THEM, IT BECOMES REAL. THEN IT’S REAL THAT MY DAD HITS MY MOM. AND THEN IT MEANS I HAVE TO HATE MY DAD, RIGHT? LIKE, I ALREADY DO, BUT THEN I’LL REALLY HAVE TO HATE HIM AND DO I STILL GET TO TALK TO HIM AND WILL HE GO TO JAIL? I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I KNOW ALL THAT STUFF YOU’RE SAYING IS RIGHT BUT THERE IS NO PATH THAT LEADS TO A HAPPY ENDING. DON’T HAVE A SCRIPT FOR THIS ONE ’CAUSE IN MY DAD’S MOVIES, IF THE GUY IS BEATING UP THE GIRL, YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE HIM AND YOU’RE HAPPY WHEN HE GETS PUT IN THE SLAMMER.

  I HATE MY DAD’S GUTS MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WHOLE WORLD BUT I DON’T WANT TO LOSE HIM … DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?

  WHAT DO I DO? WHAT CAN I DO THAT DOESN’T GET HIM IN TROUBLE? BUT YOU’RE RIGHT, WHAT IF I DON’T DO ANYTHING AND NEXT TIME MOM GETS REALLY HURT?

  I WISH YOU WERE HERE.

  MILLA

  PS MORE MUDPRINTS OUTSIDE WINDOW. DIFFERENT SHOE SIZE THIS TIME. WHAT IS GOING ON? I PUT UP A SIGN.

  MY GUESS IS THAT IT’S DAD SPYING ON ME. BET HE KNOWS I’M TELLING YOU ABOUT HIM AND HE’S TRYING TO TRACK MY EVERY MOVE.

  PPS If you could have parents, what would you want them to be like?

  * * *

  From: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]

  To: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]

  Subject: e 4 help and my bloody parents

  * * *

  hey m

  i hear u. i don’t know what the answer is, either. i guess it’s the same reason i’m not going 2 the cops. we were doin pretty good here 4 a while. it was about the best it’s ever been. and now everything seems screwed up. everyone’s just staying in their little corners of the house or they’re not home @ all. everything’s out of sync. like u say, real life ain’t tv. there r no good + bad guys. how can u betray someone who brought u into the world or someone who looks out 4 u – no matter what they’ve done. but do u really think yr dad is stalking u? that’s not ok.

  can u do me 1 favour? just email one of those kids helplines. the chick on the phone reckoned most have e-counsellors so u don’t even have 2 talk 2 anyone. just give it a shot.

  wish i cld meet u 2.

  s.

  ps my ideal parents? theyre always @ the beach when they show up in dreams. coming out of the water. 1 time they were covered in blood. and i can never make out their faces no matter how close i get. it’s like there’s this constant stream of water or blood flowing over their faces.

  i’ve always felt like parents are something that other people have. when people ask me about it i feel like i shld think it’s strange not having parents but if you’ve never had them u don’t know any different. like if u were born blind then it wld be sight that was weird not blindness.

  my ideal folks? i guess deepspace and raj. they’re my friends. they’re not patronising. they try new stuff. they listen 2 me. they let me make my own mistakes. but they’re always there 4 me. they’re good people.

  * * *

  From: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]

  To: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]

  Subject: going to do it

  * * *

  Hey Sim.

  OK. So I went on one of the Australian hotline websites. They said they’d get back to me as soon as they could. They have a lot of kids to respond to though. Wonder what problems other kids have? They told me it’s quicker to call but the toll free number only works within Australia. I guess I’ll just wait for the email. But like you said, if I don’t do something now my mom could get really hurt. I can’t wait for two weeks. I guess I could call an American kids helpline … I don’t know.

  OK, I’m going to talk to my mom. Right now. I feel like I’m going to puke. I know she’s going to cry. I know I’m going to cry.

  Wish me luck and get the fingers to the hospital. You’re going to get yourself in deep shit if you don’t do it soon.

  And that thing about your dream parents being covered in blood? That freaked me out. It’s like Carrie from the Stephen King movie. Maybe they died in a fire or something and you remember them from when you were a baby. Maybe it wasn’t blood, maybe it was their skin burning? Sorry, that’s not really a nice thing to say, is it?

  Anyway, I can’t keep putting this off. Thanks for being a good friend. You seem to be the only real one I have right now.

  Milla

  * * *

  From: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]

  To: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]

  Subject: laughing, crying and puking

  * * *

  OK, so it must be night where you are ’cause you’re not responding.

  I went and spoke to my mom. She just went silent and wouldn’t talk to me. Like I wasn’t there. It was almost like I hadn’t said anything. It was really weird. So I tried to make her normal again and showed her the video of the woman next door having sex in the pool. I know that’s dumb but it was the only thing I could think of.

  As soon as Mom saw it, she started laughing hysterically. Like it
was the funniest thing she’d ever seen. Then she bawled. She’s still bawling. I think she may have even puked in the bathroom ’cause I heard gagging.

  She won’t talk. She just keeps laughing and crying. I called my aunt. I don’t think I can deal with this on my own. She should be here any minute.

  I’ve got to say, even though I feel sick and weird, I also feel better. Like when you take Advil and your headache goes away once the drugs kick in.

  Thanks for your advice. I don’t know if it helped but at least I don’t feel like such a chickenshit anymore.

  My aunt is at the door. Gotta go.

  Milla

  * * *

  From: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]

  To: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]

  Subject: deepspace

  * * *

  man is this the freakiest english assignment you’ve ever done, or what? ‘take the fingers to the hospital’ and ‘my mum’s laughing + crying + puking after seeing the video of the woman next door doin it in the pool’. shame there’s no world’s creepiest home video show. we wld totally win with hacked fingers and poolporn.